The Hidden Cost of “Shoulds” and How to Escape Them
We all have an internal list of “shoulds.” I should exercise more. I should lose some weight. I should save more. I should be more efficient. They interfere with our pleasure, and the feelings of guilt that they cause add to our stress level.
Where Do “Shoulds” Come From?
We all have a vision of our ideal self. Our ideal self would do all those "shoulds." It would exercise, eat healthfully, save for the future, be maximally efficient, and do everything else that would be ideal. Why don't we do all these things?
Why Don't We Exercise More?
When a stimulus occurs, our minds strive to match it with the best possible solution. When the thought of exercising (a stimulus) occurs, the best solution would be to match it with actually exercising. But if we are burdened with various other concerns, we may feel that we don't have the energy to exercise.
Why Don't We Eat More Healthfully?
Food is equated with love because, from infancy onward, we experience the feeling of being loved with nursing. When uncomfortable situations arise, we, as young children, often don't have the resources to solve those discomforts, but eating can partially alleviate them because it is linked with love.
Why Don't We Save More?
Putting more into savings means having less to spend. Buying things, whether physical goods or experiences, is giving to ourselves and is associatively related to feeding ourselves. We crave this for the same reasons that we eat too much.
Why Aren't We More Efficient?
When we are in the early years of our development, we experience many stimuli for which we don't have definitive responses, as described above. Every stimulus that isn't fully resolved lives on in our minds, creating mental static. This interferes with our ability to be maximally efficient.
How an Inner Guide Will Help
It will find new solutions for all of the stimuli that we previously dealt with by using less than optimal solutions. And as it does, we will be freed of the mental static they created and will then be able to choose the true solutions that will enable us to become our ideal selves. If you already have an Inner Guide and are giving it regular time to work, it will help you achieve this. And if you don’t yet have an Inner Guide, I’ll soon be offering a new way for you to acquire one.
